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Poetry Literature by TruthisTruth

I by AyeAye12

Literature by Kareemadeem

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Submitted on
January 20


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Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
Let no man speak of wars whence
No answer graced our call,
Let man remember gods thence
Gods, watchful of our fall;
Speak in silenced sighs, men,
Dead men hither sleep,
No flag here flails, amen, amen!
Who can ever beweep
Our brethren in the deep.

Frightened colours breached the sky,
The church bells played a dirge;
The bustling hills and vales so nigh
In crimson rage did merge,
Archers with crescents held high
Keen arrows fell like sin,
The portcullis in sorrow, shy
Interred our fathers in
The last grave of our kin.

Wailed the night in thunder blare;
The mangonels did come,
Lonely trumpets singed the air
When Earth ravished our home;
The eastern tower, wasting wear
For a trebuchet did bow,
Fallen stone and ballista bare
Broke its stony vow,
As the beadle mopped his brow.

Mildly armoured, men at arms
Stormed the brazen fray,
Howled the castle’s cold alarms:
Ladder men up the brae!
Blazed in ire the fields and farms:
The winter’s yield was spent;
The cleric’s boon, the pastor’s charms
Burned with scorn’s base scent
To our false gods it went.

Rampart raised, our lofty lord
Rallied each lost knight’s lust,
Fain, one jilt his people’s sword
And relent a grain of dust;
Gentle came the primal horde
On voices that had known,
Not one had either hoped or heard
That we were not alone.
Our battle was our own.

Braced the city’s mounted pride,
Known to all, all but friends;
Irate war mares, wild to ride
Hoofed the earth in hateful tens;
Rumbling drums hummed angst afar,
Crumbling corbels, flaming tar;
Lifetime’s art, the scope of breath
Whet this final craft of death
’Neath the slumber of an absent star.

Dyed our paladins with rose
The castle gates with red repose,
Pikemen, then did chance a charge
Their lines remained unmoved at large,
Dancing banners paid their due
To one final, futile hue,
The battering ram, its hammer damned
The aging keep, in fervour slammed.
Yet, the gatehouse still held true.

Then like the shade’s impending hearse
Log and plank, in morbid love,
Did draft in rubble a flotsam verse
Entered the philistines above,
And artless as they were too terse:
The searing cries outdid first light;
Our wounded folk no monks to nurse,
Our mangled dead no priests to rite,
Ever children of the night.

Who sought Epithilinon’s brave
Beneath each wizened, windswept grave?
Who paid tribute to her grandeur
Once her ruins mastered inure?
Yet, in a song, though in her fall
Epithil’non was built again.
Her halls and towers still stand tall,
The fallen blade revives the pen.
Thus, begins another reign.
Nothing like a siege to compose a poem upon.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2014-02-26
The Fall of Epithilinon by Zark123 ( Suggested by shehrozeameen and Featured by GrimFace242 )
You have a wonderful way with words, first of all. The way the narrator spoke was just beautiful. Though I felts some things just didn't mix in as well in some verses.

The first verse pulled me in, and obviously kept me hooked until the end of the ninth. Though, near the bottom, I felt it become harder to swallow. This feeling repeated with a few other verses.

Otherwise, I found the poem enchanting. It was well written and thought out, and I loved it. Very well done. Still, I encourage you to look over it once or twice and pick out any verses that just don't seem to fit.

All in all, I'll be happy to add this wonderful piece of poetry to my favorites. Keep up the good work!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

I greatly enjoyed this poem. I loved how descriptive you were, and your word choice is beautiful -magnificent, even. I felt like i was standing on the battlefield, or was watching high up in the air from the battlements as all Hell broke loose below. I like how you described the castle gates as what "interred our fathers in/ the last grave of our kin". That was an excellent line.

Now onto critiques. So I thought this was a very good poem, the best I've read on dA in weeks, and, though I did enjoy the rhythm, I believe that the first stanza is a little shaky. I cannot exactly put my finger on it, but for some reason I could not follow the rhythm of the poem until the third stanza. It could just be that I did not recognize the pattern until then, but every time I read it, the same thing happens. If I figure it out, I'll note you (because I am absolutely positive that I'm gonna be thinking of it all day), but you might want to do a bit of rewording in the first four lines.

All in all, a very good poem. C'est magnifique, mon ami.
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5 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

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sciencevsart Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
The words and feelings were lovely. It was like reading a real period piece, with imaginations screaming wildly and the arrows blackening the sky. Especially the last stanza, with the sword rebuilding the pen; the poem felt epic, even though the additional line at the bottom of each stanza messes a bit with the regular meter I'm used to, but on reading it again, it is also a bit jarring - in a nice, heady way.

Like jumping jacks giving one last spit of breath out of nowhere.

I love it. 
Zark123 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Student Writer
I thank you for reading my poem. It was intended that the last line would pierce the reader as a final reminder of what the people of Epithilinon had to live through and what their deaths would come to mean. I am glad you identified that - it makes me feel that though most poetry is never completed, this came rather closer than my usual work.
FableTheWolf Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Whoa. That was inspiring. I don't read a whole lot of poetry, but even still; that is the best that I have ever read. You have true talent! :D Don't forget that.
Zark123 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you! =) You're too kind!
carrollbriggs Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014
...No, nothing at all like a seige to a write a poem upon. O.O
It was awesome. 
Zark123 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Student Writer
Haha, sorry, I was rather cheeky with that description. I'm glad you liked it :)
TruthisTruth Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Congratulations on the Daily Deviation! :clap:

You deserve it. :nod:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much! =)
TruthisTruth Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You are most welcome!
lintu47 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the DD! :dalove:
Have a nice day! :party:
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