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poems I - sorrow, melancholy, and the self by shehrozeameen

Writing by SecretlyFading


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Submitted on
August 22, 2012
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795 bytes
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787
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39 (who?)
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71

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Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
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Dear Death, thou art shunned, yet I welcome thee,
I fear not thy shade nor thy trailing shroud,   
Whilst mankind greets thee with a teary plea
I shall embrace thee like a monsoon cloud.
Why men fear thy presence I cannot say,
Nor discern why in thy company, weep,
For life bears us all: love, woe, ceaseless sway,
But death, kind death, cares for every man's sleep.
My love for thee exceeds mortality,
And as seasons sweeten the sweetest wine,
Lend my fruitful years to vitality
And I shall remain eternally thine.
Ring my vows from my grave O timeless wife
We eloped at birth for the afterlife.
  


   

   
I think this is my best sonnet till date! Your thoughts? =D
Add a Comment:
 
:iconoilux:
Official :iconlive-write-now:.

First off I want to point out how it is a sonnet. They are so hard to write and I never could write them.

First impression: Very interesting, of course in the good way. I love how you personified Death, by calling her a person and made her out not to be something really bad, but something that is going to be inevitable and not welcomed.

The third line, where you say 'teary plea', the phrase of that, well the meaning is so overused but you managed to make it sound brand new. The more I reread that line the more I like it because Death is something that many wish not to face.

'Monsoon cloud' is such an interesting analogy. I don't believe that I've ever heard of something being referred like that, but the more I think, the more it makes sense in my mind. Again, it goes with that though of something that cannot be prevented so it should be accepted.

I had to reread the last line three times to fully understand it, but it was well worth the time. In the end, we all belong to death, and I have to say that, its the end that makes me really like your poem. How you waited for her, and in the end when life finally let you go, you went with Death without a second thought.

All around, a wonderful poem. I hope to see more.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconrocky-loves-emily:
rocky-loves-emily Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is another great piece, I really like the couplet. This is very sophisticated writing in my opinion.
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you =) That took a while to come up with to be honest. Paid off though =D
Reply
:iconlaurabeez:
LauraBeez Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
" For life bears us all: love, woe, ceaseless sway,
But death, kind death, cares for every man's sleep. "

This is not only poetry. This is reality. And most of the times, reality is poetry. You've been able to transform life and death into words, into Poetry.
:iconclapplz: Great job :')
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you! =D Thank you very much =)

On a side note, do you know any magazines that would like to publish amateur poetry like mine in London? I just went through your profile, and I noticed you're one of them London lovers =D
Reply
:iconlaurabeez:
LauraBeez Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Of course I am.
Unfortunately, 3 days ago I came back to Italy, I had to. Uff...
But no, I'm sorry, I don't know any magazines... Why don't you have a look on the internet?
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012  Student Writer
Haha Italy is nice and sunny at this time of the year, non? England must be rather rainy. Nevertheless, I'll be there in less than a month, so I'll get to see for myself. I tried the internet...but I'm concerned about which magazines are genuine, and which ones will steal your work. That scares me to death.
Reply
:iconlaurabeez:
LauraBeez Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Are you coming to Italy or to England?
Yeah, I can imagine your worry... I won't like peopel stealing my texts!! xD
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2012  Student Writer
England lol xD So I take it, you keep shuttling between the two countries? That's rad =D
Reply
:iconlaurabeez:
LauraBeez Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Well, I spend a bit in England.. I've just came back from ther, I stayed two months.. :)
but now I just have to finisch my last year of high school. Then... FREEDOM!!
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Student Writer
Which part of England do you visit? I'm going to begin my course in Loughborough real soon. 2 months? Lucky!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconmasochisticheartache:
MasochisticHeartache Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Student Photographer
I adore this, it's amazing.
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012  Student Writer
I sincerely thank you!
Reply
:iconkedonsine:
kedonsine Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
My Thoughts Put Into Words.
You Should be Arrested By The Anti-Mind-Reading Police Force For Reading The Thoughts From My Demented Mind And Transforming It Into A Great Poem!
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012  Student Writer
Hahahaha I've hacked into your mind haven't I?
Reply
:iconkedonsine:
kedonsine Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Haha. Yes You Have.
You Are Free To Do So Whenever You Like As Long As You Produce Wonderful Poetry From My Demented Brain.
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012  Student Writer
I'll see what I can do =)
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Its so epic I don't know what to say. you've swept me with this work, brilliant.
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012  Student Writer
Don't say anything Thanks a ton!
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Your welcome :)
Reply
:iconjeciwoods17:
jeciwoods17 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I love this.. It's my exact feelings that I've never been able to put into words.. So thank you for doing that for me xD
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Student Writer
Haha thank you =D Oh you're a photographer? Say, can you get me a picture to go with this? Just asking.
Reply
:iconjeciwoods17:
jeciwoods17 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome:) Well I'm kind of an amateur photographer.. It's depends on what kind of picture you'd want with it. I'm not sure if I've taken any so far that would go along with your poem well
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012  Student Writer
Umm well what I'd typically need is a bride and a groom, and a grave in the background. Is it possible to fuse all that?
Reply
:iconjeciwoods17:
jeciwoods17 Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm not sure. I'll let you know if I can come up with something. Might be hard to find a bride and groom though
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you =) Yeah, I guess it's asking for too much =P
Reply
:iconjeciwoods17:
jeciwoods17 Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol well I do wish I could get a bride and groom to do a photo shoot like that! :)But yeah unfortuantely I don't have any models to work with
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2012  Student Writer
So you're more of a landscape shooter? Or do you work with arranged objects? Sorry I dunno the technical terms =/
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icondomosushiluver:
DomoSushiLuver Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012
wow that's really amazing great job
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it =D
Reply
:icondomosushiluver:
DomoSushiLuver Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012
aww no prob
Reply
:iconbelarosewolf:
BelaRoseWolf Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Student Writer
This is really beautiful! Your descriptions are amazing, and everything flows really well. Awesome work~
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you =D Wow!!!!!!! You actually have a website for all your poems? That is so cool! Now I want one =P
Reply
:iconbelarosewolf:
BelaRoseWolf Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Student Writer
It's so that I'm different from other high school people for college... ^^ You should make one, though! :D
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Student Writer
Well I suppose I have enough poems to fill up a website...but I dunno how to make one! :o
Reply
:iconbelarosewolf:
BelaRoseWolf Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Student Writer
It's easy! And you don't need many at once, just a few to start. You can also put up pictures, or stories if you have any! All you need to do is find a place where you can buy a domain. Then, you can set up things to make it. Right now, I'm using Yahoo, but sometime I'm switching to something where I can work on the format...
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Student Writer
How expensive is a domain exactly? How long does it take to set everything up?
Reply
:iconbelarosewolf:
BelaRoseWolf Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Student Writer
When I bought mine, it wasn't very expensive. Mine was about... Fifteen dollars? It depends on what it says too... It takes a while to set everything up, though. D:
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Student Writer
Ahh I see. Well then again if I put it up on a website, I can't publish these anymore right? Cuz it'll be public anyway =P Drat! This is so difficult.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconmarssamuel:
Marssamuel Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
How long does it take you to write these? Cuz it looks to me like it would take a loooong time...

I read it quietly and slowly (Maybe cuz this is the first time in a while that I'm not doing something with my headphones plugged into something) . I went back and forth, and tried to take in as much as I could. I'm still thinking about it, about the meaning I...mean. (The poem I can see right out the gate is fantastic!)
The content is very heavy and sank in the longer and more I read it.
It was kind of like zooming into a picture or scene in a movie where you expect something to jump out at you which, nothing did. Instead it almost...
Slid off, trailed off, like the narrator's voice was a whisper at the end and it was nothing...
It sort of, let me go at the end beautifully,expertly...
It's really hard to explain, but top notch sir!
Way way way past cool!
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Student Writer
Sir? Lol. I'm only 20 chill! =D Thank you so so much for this critique! I'm glad you liked it, for the audience for sonnets has thinned over the ages. I'm trying to sorta revive the dead art with mixed results =P Haha, that was the effect intended...so it stays with you a long time after you have finished reading it.
Reply
:iconmarssamuel:
Marssamuel Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I say sir with a lot less sincerity than it probly sounds I do...
No prob though! I really liked this piece and the way your work isn't stifling.
Some people can write, but it's hard to appreciate because it's too packed.
It's nice that this is a subtle complexity that I can enjoy instead of rolling my eyes at it.
Again, really well done bro(if that suits you better)!
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Student Writer
Haha tons better man =D At least I'll not look at my scalp for grays now =)

Thanks yet again!
Reply
:iconmarssamuel:
Marssamuel Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Course!
Still lovin it BTW!
Reply
:iconsamuraishoujo95:
samuraishoujo95 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you cant be serious o.o
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Student Writer
What? =D
Reply
:iconsamuraishoujo95:
samuraishoujo95 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
The subject
this is a little different from the others~ it makes sense o.0
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Student Writer
It gets so boring writing about the same thing =P Oh you actually understood this? Whoopie!!!
Reply
:iconsamuraishoujo95:
samuraishoujo95 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you think?
lol make the point obvious and i will you know :D
Reply
:iconzark123:
Zark123 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Student Writer
Haha I'm so proud of you =D
Reply
:iconsamuraishoujo95:
samuraishoujo95 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
*shrugs* inquisitive teenager, gotta get it right sometime so that you don't give yourself brain damage ;)
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